Hello Friends,

So I’m sitting here on the floor looking at my computer and just snapped back into reality and realized that I was totally blanking out on my computer screen! My initial thought was, what was I doing on here? Then I remembered that I had already completed my normal cycle of checking emails, visiting my favorite couple sites and then checking facebook and twitter like five hundred times in that same order over and over again due to a lack of better things to do at the moment! When I think about that part alone, it’s rather sad and depressing as I really would like to have something more productive to do that ended with a product of self achievement and worth.

The day started with an early rise and shine at 9:00 am followed by breakfast (Go Lean and a banana) and then off to the coffee shop for a cup of pick my ass up which prepared me for my agenda of apartment hunting! My best friend and I have been talking for a while about getting a place together and finally we have decided to take some action and not just talk about it! I must admit that some small part of me is questioning if Los Angeles is the right place for me at this point in my life. Growing up my family tried really hard to instill in me the foundations of a business mind and keeping order in my life. Hence when I made the decision to emerge myself in the adult industry, I approached it from a total business mindset. After being asked to be featured in Freshmen Magazine, I saw an opportunity to supply a demand while strategically alining myself to learn all areas of the industry and production in order to become a director and content provider myself. However, with the ever changing industry it seems that what I had envisioned coming of this is well… a thing of the past. Just like when I started working in the music industry, I lived through the evolution of the negative affects of the internet on the industry which resulted in lost profits, jobs, and shattered dreams. Now, I enter yet another industry in the middle of these changes and consumers “sharing and stealing” content from sites that might be justified by the viewer, but in the end was a service and labor created by someone that most likely will loose their source of income and living now. To top that off, that same person that downloaded the content and didn’t pay for the service to begin with will be most likely be the one that emails the studio or actor and complains that membership/videos are to expensive not realizing that due to the decrease in purchasing and increase in illegal download sharing is the major reason for this. Seriously, the cost of producing a quality scene is not cheap and as a model myself, what we get paid is nice for the time it takes to film the scene, but sad when it comes to analyzing what we as people give up of ourselves! As an exhibitionist, I love being naked and showing off, but I as a person do not like being taken advantage of and not respected. Random I know, but just a thought that keeps running through my mind when I think about the position I am currently facing. Who knows, the idea of keeping the content I end up providing on TuckerScott.com might need to be low budget and very amateur to attract this new wave of loyal fans.

In addition to all of these things going on, my birthday is coming up this weekend (February 7th) and although I don’t mind getting older, I do realize that this is another year of my life and on my birthday I always find myself looking in the mirror asking myself if I am proud of what I accomplished in that year. I will be facing that mirror in New York City for the first time ever! Not to mention that I will be staying in the home of legendary director, Jerry Douglas and his husband. From the mutual friends we have and the stories I’ve heard, I’m most excited to have this opportunity to soak up as much knowledge and advice as humanly possible from this man of wisdom and such a creditable history! I will also have the chance to spend time with Mr. Pam whom has been very successful in this industry as a videographer and has worked with Jerry Douglas on such films as, “Buckleroos”. She is now exclusive to Lucas Entertainment in NYC. Trust me, I will be making many videos including interviews for the blog while there and will keep you all up to date on here as well as on Twitter!

To top the recent chain of thoughts and events off, I’ve been sort of dating a guy for bit and it’s kinda starting to stress me out. As much as I want to spend time getting to know him, it always seems there is no time due to all the tug of war games of life. The reason I word it as “think I have finally found peace” is because I continue to question if it’s my problem and I’m overreacting. I don’t want to end up loosing friendship, but he doesn’t seem to be the easiest to talk to at times and I don’t know if he really knowswhat he wants at the moment and just want say, let’s just be friends. Sure would be much easier on me if he would, as I just sit and analyze what’s being said, what’s not being said and why he does the things he does sometimes.

***be back going to get Advil from the medicine cabinet*

*back* oh hell… I’m finally done talking, going to bed now…

XXXO,

Tucker